The president has “Hail to the Chief.” Graduates have “Pomp & Circumstance.” Frank Sinatra had “New York, New York.” Colleges and high schools have their fight songs (the opening strains of “Come on, you Huskies, you f**king Huskies...” still bring a tear to my eye). Fictional characters like Superman, Batman, and Darth Vader even have their own special songs.
Yes, fellow writers, I’m talking theme songs today: The time has come for us to have one of our own.
Do we not work as hard as the president? Are we not deserving of a little pomp (although, to be sure, some writers are already a little heavy in the pomp department, if you know what I mean)? Being a writer must be at least as cool as being Frank Sinatra was; if it’s not, then how do you explain that 81% of Americans “feel they have a book in them”? Okay, you caught me, that stat’s from a 2002 survey. Maybe the percentage has changed a bit since then, but I bet it’s still true that virtually everyone wants to be a writer; they just don’t want to admit it (but they might, if they could do so to a snazzy theme song).
Imagine how easily you could overcome even the worst writer’s block if you had a rousing, Sousa-esque marching band at your back when you sat down to write: “Cut that paragraph! Nail that plot twist! Julia, Julia, she’s our man, if she can’t do it…well, then, who can?!”
Just think about it—all you need to hear is a few bars of Darth Vader’s theme song and you know someone’s about to be choked by an invisible hand. You hear Superman’s theme song and you practically feel your feet leaving the ground. Wouldn’t it be nice for writers to have a song that so instantly and easily identified them as such? So why don’t we? I know, good question, right? I’m just gifted that way.
I suppose we writers could choose an existing song and just declare ours. Some possibilities:
· “Margaritaville” (Jimmy Buffett)
· “Express yourself” (Madonna)
· “Up All Night” (Daft Punk)
· “All Apologies” (Nirvana)
· “Bad Day” (Daniel Powter)
· “Demons” (Imagine Dragons)
· “Fell On Black Days” (Soundgarden)
· “Lonely Teardrops” (Jackie Wilson)
Hmm, perhaps not the most practical approach, as 1) a list like that could go on forever, and 2) given how fractious a group writers in general can be, universal agreement on a single song is improbable, if not downright impossible.
Perhaps a better idea would be for us to have someone compose an original piece for us. Yes! But even then, I suppose consensus on a composer might remain elusive. After all, there is a vast difference between John Williams and Danny Elfman (Sorry about the clip quality on this one; if you haven’t seen this movie yet, see it). And then, of course, there’s always the question of money: A real composer might actually demand real payment.
Oh, well. Maybe all you other writers disagree with me, and this is just a pipe dream, like the one where a literary agent spots me sipping a malted at my local soda fountain and throws him/herself at my feet, begging to represent me. Maybe I’m the only one who feels the compelling need for a theme song just for writers. Well, I guess if that’s the way you really feel, then maybe I’ll just have to choose my own. Let’s see…
“Cold Hard Bitch?” “I Wanna Be Sedated?” “I Want Candy?” “Wasting Time?” “Crazy Train?”
Come on! Marketing’s a serious business, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun with it. What would your theme song be? Share it here or on Facebook, or use #mywriterthemesong to share it on Twitter.
You can find Julia and follow all her adventures at: Justscribbling.com, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Pinterest.